17 Nov #ImStillWithHer
I’ve had my heartbroken before but never to this extent.
I was watching the election at Legacy in NYC. I was funny how we all shared the sentiment of how we wanted to watch it among friends but at a lowkey location afraid of violence and retaliation from Trump supporters. I should add that I did pass by the Javits center where I got to see Hillary’s logo through the glass ceilings. The air was buzzing with excitement over having our first Madame President.
But as the night progressed, surrounded by my fellow Hillary supporters, we watched our future dim. Many started drinking harder and faster. Some wept. Some left. Some stood still with fear watching CNN cover this circus of an election. All I can think about is my family and friends and the realization that half this country were living in the shadows of their hate. You always knew that racism, sexism, homophobia and xenophobia existed. But to see it in mainstream America was heartbreaking. This whole time you’re thinking we are progressing as a Nation. We are having these conversations about equality, gender identities, religious diversity….but all along the progress we ave been making have been smaller that the monsters waiting in the shadows. Now they are releasing all this closeted hate with a vengeance. I never knew anyone could ever hold so much hate in them. That was both disheartening and terrifying.
My husband was at another bar watching the election with an old friend from Glasgow. He was in utter disbelief that the American public would actually vote someone like Trump into office. I told him I needed to leave because I can’t watch this any longer. I texted him this hoping that somehow we would experience the same miracle that the Cubs had just a few days ago. Bottom of the 10th & bases are loaded. it looks grim but they pull it out and win the World Series after 108 years. But there will be no miracle here. Once I met up with him, he hugged me and told me to keep the faith. I became so angry and so hurt. He didn’t understand my fear and anguish. Not for a lack of empathy but how could he understand? He is a white cis gendered man. How could he? I pulled away and yelled “You have never been told to go back to your country because you wouldn’t return their advances!” He became angry asking me who said that to me ready to defend me. “That’s one of many of the experiences I’ve had to go through before this election and now it will get worse.” He vowed that as long as he is around that won’t happen. His heart is in the right place but he won’t always be there to defend me.
On our way home, we passed so many somber and worried faces. In bed I tried to convince myself that this was all a nightmare. It couldn’t be real. Right? How could it be real? Him? HIM? Really? Woke up realizing this nightmare is now a reality. The American public really showed their asses. “Trump Nation” with Swastikas graffiti. Landlords handing out notices that “illegals, Mexicans and Black Thugs” need to vacate within a week. Hijabs being pulled off innocent by-standers. My own fans calling me a cry baby who shouldn’t be disrespecting our President elect when I made this personal claim: