I’ve had my heartbroken before but never to this extent.

I was watching the election at Legacy in NYC. I was funny how we all shared the sentiment of how we wanted to watch it among friends but at a lowkey location afraid of violence and retaliation from Trump supporters. I should add that I did pass by the Javits center where I got to see Hillary’s logo through the glass ceilings. The air was buzzing with excitement over having our first Madame President.

But as the night progressed, surrounded by my fellow Hillary supporters, we watched our future dim. Many started drinking harder and faster. Some wept. Some left. Some stood still with fear watching CNN cover this circus of an election. All I can think about is my family and friends and the realization that half this country were living in the shadows of their hate. You always knew that racism, sexism, homophobia and xenophobia existed. But to see it in mainstream America was heartbreaking. This whole time you’re thinking we are progressing as a Nation. We are having these conversations about equality, gender identities, religious diversity….but all along the progress we ave been making have been smaller that the monsters waiting in the shadows. Now they are releasing all this closeted hate with a vengeance. I never knew anyone could ever hold so much hate in them. That was both disheartening and terrifying.

My husband was at another bar watching the election with an old friend from Glasgow. He was in utter disbelief that the American public would actually vote someone like Trump into office. I told him I needed to leave because I can’t watch this any longer. I texted him this hoping that somehow we would experience the same miracle that the Cubs had just a few days ago. Bottom of the 10th & bases are loaded. it looks grim but they pull it out and win the World Series after 108 years. But there will be no miracle here. Once I met up with him, he hugged me and told me to keep the faith. I became so angry and so hurt. He didn’t understand my fear and anguish. Not for a lack of empathy but how could he understand? He is a white cis gendered man. How could he? I pulled away and yelled “You have never  been told to go back to your country because you wouldn’t return their advances!” He became angry asking me who said that to me ready to defend me. “That’s one of many of the experiences I’ve had to go through before this election and now it will get worse.” He vowed that as long as he is around that won’t happen. His heart is in the right place but he won’t always be there to defend me.

On our way home, we passed so many somber and worried faces. In bed I tried to convince myself that this was all a nightmare. It couldn’t be real. Right? How could it be real? Him? HIM? Really? Woke up realizing this nightmare is now a reality. The American public really showed their asses. “Trump Nation” with Swastikas graffiti. Landlords handing out notices that “illegals, Mexicans and Black Thugs” need to vacate within a week. Hijabs being pulled off innocent by-standers. My own fans calling me a cry baby who shouldn’t be disrespecting our President elect when I made this personal claim:

The comical part was when one person claimed that I am a hypocrite for giving my fans an “ultimatum” to either side with me or be gone. To be clear, it’s not choose my side or be gone. How can you be a fan of a brown queer woman and vote Trump? He started his campaign with “All Mexicans are criminals and rapists.” Dude. Are you fucking kidding me? This isn’t about whether you identify as a republican or a democrat…it’s about being a decent human being. Members from his party have denounced him. But anyways, the knife twisted deeper when I saw my own family members use the #Trump2016. Some even stating how immature it was to block delete people over this election forgetting the daily discrimination &  microagressions marginalized people experience every fucking day. I was grossed out and was in utter disbelief. I was done. I was taught to always be polite to my family even if I disagree with their views and behaviors. BUT FUCK THIS. I decided to share some personal ugly experiences that they are blissfully unaware. This helped me filter the bigots that exist in my personal circle. If you’re reading this “GOOD RIDDANCE and don’t worry boo you don’t have to say hi to me at reunions. Have a blessed life away from Me.”
So although, this election is over….kinda. #ImStillWithHer. Why? Because her campaign was not about her winning but about giving the voiceless a platform. Do I agree with all her policies? FUCK NO. And DUH. Does anyone agree with ALL the policies of their chosen President, no. I don’t think that’s possible. No one agrees with anyone 100% of the time. BUT she is one of the most qualified candidates with 30 years of experience.

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