This blog post was originally drafted on 11/14/15. I decided to finish it because I really liked it. I hope you do too. ALSO, this applies to all kinds of relationships between consenting adults who mutually respect each other’s boundaries and have a mutual interest in each other. This is not about how “no” means convince me. Because no is enough. x

There is something about the deliberate ritual of taking a pen and scribbling your inner thoughts professing your feelings on a piece of paper with the intention of delivering said note/letter to the object of your affection…makes your heart race. It’s scary BUT it’s exciting. You wonder what will they say. What expressions will their face contort to? How will they feel? A letter is so personal. Is their handwriting neat? Does it look like they wrote it in a hurry? Or maybe they wrote it with care? (Side note, as you can see in the image below, back in the day, they did not hold back on the cheese factor and I kind love it lol.)

This all just seems so antiquated today.

It feels like this ceremony has been lost to snapchats, sexts, and DMs. One can argue that it’s best to adjust to modern love but I don’t want any part of it if that means doing away with these hand-written proclamations of love, lust, and desire. When and why did “I want to do to you what Spring does to the cherry trees,” turn into “Let me slide into your DMs.” And no, this is not some “I miss the old days” snobbery.

Why can’t we have both?

You see…I’m on that weird cusp between analog and digital. I remember when I had to run home to get a phone call or to make a phone call. I remember talking on the phone for hours until one of us fell asleep. One of my favorite things about talking on the phone is when you can hear them smiling. People seem to hate talking on the phone nowadays. Passing notes in class turned into well-curated emails. Then emails turned into sending text messages accompanied with the dread of hearing your phone ring.

Being in this weird cusp, I can’t help but feel nostalgic for hand-written love notes. I’m a romantic. I think most fetishists are. I think a lot of us have a very romantic way of viewing the world in general. It’s the attention to details that pull at our heartstrings. When I see my favorite song mentioned, my favorite color being used and/or reference to my favorite piece of art incorporated in a letter, my mind shuffles to that conversation or experience where you could’ve taken that detail into account. It’s like a gift within a gift.

You are correct to point out that we sit down and mull over texts we’re going to send to that special someone. For sure. Some of us send drafts of our texts for approval to our friends. Our friends working as editors….”Add an 😊 here or a “lol” so if he/she says no, you can say you’re kidding.” Yes, I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We all have. When we get the reply we were hoping for, we screenshot it. Then that goes to our editors and a celebration ensues over our victory. This ritual is both terrifying and exciting in its own right.

But texts, universally have pretty much the same nondescript attributes and tone can be lost. But with handwritten letters and notes….the clues are hidden in the scribbles…the little details…like the kind of envelope used, handwriting, scribbled hearts, x’s and o’s…maybe a photograph, drawing…a personal collage? Now that I think about it, I think it’s about having something tangible. Something made with your hands. Something I can hold in my hands. Something that I can put away in a drawer to read whenever I miss you.

Then there’s the process of delivering the note. Hidden in the book I’m reading, hidden in my planner, in my jacket pocket or maybe waiting on my desk or pillow for me to come home to. It’s nice. It’s simple but it’s so nice. I love that kind of shit. Hmmm…alongside it being something tangible it’s also about the gift of “time.” Time is a commodity that you can’t get back. So when it’s gone, it’s gone. You can’t buy more time. It’s limited making it priceless.

We often say “I’m too busy” “I have no time” “Maybe tomorrow” “I’m not in the mood”……yup. You know what….we make time to brush our teeth, to shower, to binge watch tv series, to scroll on Instagram and Facebook. Somehow we find the time for these things. In a world where everything feels so urgent and fast-paced, where every 30 seconds there’s something new to replace the last thing you were obsessed with…..there is something extra special when someone takes a moment to pause and make something with their hands to give to you. It says they are investing themselves in this union or possible union, to make you feel special, valued, loved and cared for.

So I’m not saying fuck technology. I love technology. Afterall, it’s what connects me to you. But let’s not allow it to completely eclipse old-fashion handwritten love letters. Let it be a supplement to it. There is something special about getting a text of a silly photo that reminded the sender of you, a Snapchat with a funny filter, an Instagram post with a heartfelt caption, or even a silly post that only you two would get. But outside the public arena, make time to make something. Write a love letter, a sweet post-it note, a music playlist, a movie playlist, a home-cooked meal, bake a cake, make a bookshelf….plant them a garden…whatever. Just do it.

You might be wondering….what do these photos have to do with the subject…lol. My photos, videos, and work are always a love letter to KLD. Taking the time to block out a date, design and create a look, travel to the location, set up, shoot, and edit to bring her ideas to life is a gesture of love. Self-care is taking the time to manifest the ideas you have. Romantic love is not just for couples but for yourself as well. So take time for yourself because you deserve it. As mama Ru said, “If you can’t love yourself how the hell are you gonna love anybody else?!”❤

BTW I saw these images in my mind when I was reading “Love letters of Great Men Vol 1.”